April 2011
51 posts
1 tag
Apr 30th
32 notes
1 tag
"If all else fails, flask it."
-Piece of advice I just received. I want it on my tombstone.
Apr 29th
15 notes
3 tags
Apr 28th
46 notes
1 tag
Trapeze? Check. Net? Not so much.
Sometimes knowing that no one—no one—has your back just makes it all the more exhilarating when you pull off that blindfolded triple-flip in midair.
Apr 28th
15 notes
1 tag
I don't think "Inbox" means what you think it...
On those rare and fleeting occasions when I actually achieve the near-mythical “Inbox Zero,” I allow myself to celebrate only until the moment I realize that I still have a dozen Twitter DMs and private Tumblr “questions” in need of responses. The average duration of that celebratory period is about four seconds.
Apr 27th
19 notes
2 tags
Apr 27th
35 notes
1 tag
Apr 26th
43 notes
The Passive-Aggressive Anarchist: episode 1
“No, that’s OK, Carl. I didn’t want to smash any of those big windows. It’s not like I brought these bricks all the way from home or anything. You go ahead and smash them all yourself. No, it’s fine, really. I’ll just kick over this little plastic box with the alt-weeklies in it. I didn’t want to get glass all over me anyway.”
Apr 26th
26 notes
2 tags
Apr 26th
17 notes
1 tag
What?
Really?
Apr 26th
30 notes
2 tags
It's a good thing our Freedom Bombs only kill the...
At least 25 people have been killed in a US drone strike in the troubled Pakistani tribal region of North Waziristan, officials told the BBC. Missiles were fired on a large compound in the town of Spinwam, but five women and four children in a nearby house were also killed. Oops. I guess a 36% rate of civilian casualties is acceptable now, so long as we’re hitting at least a couple of...
Apr 22nd
15 notes
2 tags
Apr 22nd
30 notes
5 tags
The Three Initiates
He’d been talking for five full minutes—mostly in circles—but I couldn’t bring myself to hang up the phone. It wasn’t so much what he was saying, but how. Something about his voice wasn’t right. He spoke precise, unaccented English. A little too precise, maybe. It sounded almost constructed. Artificial. Inorganic, even. “I do hope you see my point, Mr. Dundee,” the man said. “I’m not at all sure...
Apr 22nd
27 notes
Pharmaceutical cagematch
Tonight, in my body, the Ambien Walrus will go head-to-head with the Adderall Ocelot. Stay tuned!
Apr 21st
21 notes
3 tags
I don't much care for Nick Hornby novels.
There, I’ve said it.
Apr 21st
13 notes
2 tags
Apr 21st
59 notes
imperfectreflections asked: What are some of your favourite non-writing things to do?
Apr 21st
24 notes
Apr 20th
18 notes
1 tag
wordishness asked: <p><ol><li>When is the book coming out?</li>
<li>What&#8217;s your favorite guilty-pleasure movie?</li>
<li>What&#8217;s your favorite chewing gum? Why? Show your work.</li>
<li>Am I out of questions now? The answer is &#8216;yes.&#8217;</li>
</ol></p>
Apr 20th
9 notes
1 tag
Apr 20th
20 notes
2 tags
Apr 19th
11 notes
In my sleep last night, I imagined I got a boat...
My god, even my dreams are insufferably nerdy.
Apr 19th
25 notes
2 tags
Apr 18th
25 notes
1 tag
My day so far
Coffee, Wittgenstein and Galileo and Lenny Bruce, idle chatter, overdue responses, choosing shoes, handling contractors, eight paragraphs of consciousness, two lines of sorrow, one signature with a fountain pen, Fuji negatives, quick photograph, not enough stretching, an unexpected gift, pondering, worrying, wondering, connecting dots, a ‘eureka’ moment fizzles, cleaning up a spill, envying...
Apr 18th
19 notes
3 tags
Apr 18th
2,227 notes
3 tags
Apr 16th
17 notes
1 tag
Apr 15th
23 notes
1 tag
Platform rickets
Tumblr is sort of like that kid you knew when you were in first grade. He was just like everyone else and was very popular, but then in the second grade, he was suddenly walking funny and his arms just sort of dangled in an odd way. By the third grade, he had braces on his legs and Kenny armband crutches. You still liked him and rooted for him, even though it frustrated the snot out of you to...
Apr 15th
14 notes
3 tags
Apr 15th
13 notes
3 tags
Apr 14th
7 notes
3 tags
"The Claws of Mississippi"
“A writer,” William Faulkner once said, “must teach himself that the basest of all things is to be afraid.” What no one seems to remember is what he said immediately after that, which was, “OH MY FUCKING GOD THERE IS A TIGER IN THE HOUSE. HOW DID A TIGER GET IN HERE? SWEET MOTHER OF MERCY GET ME AWAY FROM THE TIGER!” And now you know what my work day was like....
Apr 13th
18 notes
5 tags
Apr 13th
14 notes
2 tags
Word count
Just out of curiosity, what do you think is the minimum number of words a piece should/must contain before I can legitimately tag it with #long reads?
Apr 12th
17 notes
4 tags
Crypto
Reblogging this old story because it pleases me. ministryofapostrophes: I used to get teased in school because my name is Irv and the other kids said that’s a stupid old man’s name. Washington Irving Visser is a hard name and it took me a long time to learn how to spell it all out. Mom told me that Washington Irving was a writer and then I learned about him last year in the fifth grade so I...
Apr 12th
36 notes
Apr 12th
12 notes
2 tags
Apr 12th
16 notes
4 tags
Apr 11th
33 notes
1 tag
Apr 10th
30 notes
3 tags
"Harry Reid and I fought hard to bring you this...
That’s what Obama should have said, were he being completely honest.
Apr 9th
17 notes
2 tags
Apr 9th
54 notes
3 tags
Reminder for myself, once again:
Never write for free. Even as a favor. Don’t do it. Ever. Ever ever ever ever ever.
Apr 8th
31 notes
5 tags
Apr 7th
36 notes
1 tag
The Masters
The Masters Tournament of golf begins today. So at the risk of spoiling the “action” for some of you, if you don’t have time to tune into the television coverage, let me tell you precisely what is going to take place: [ whispering ] Guy hits a little ball, walks a hundred yards. [ whispering ] Guy hits a little ball, walks a hundred yards. [ commercials for things you...
Apr 7th
46 notes
3 tags
Collections
ministryofapostrophes: I was in Chicago for the better part of 1912. Mostly to stir up trouble at the Republican National Convention, but also because I needed to personally take care of some… collections that were seriously overdue. (I’d been waiting for that bastard Mussao for six months before his wife helped me collect. She even set the poor scoundrel on fire after she shot him - an...
Apr 6th
35 notes
2 tags
Apr 5th
49 notes
3 tags
Dear Tumblr:
I do not like that there is no way for me to tell if someone “liked” an original post of mine, or a reblog of a reblog of that post. It’s a minor point of no real importance in the grand scheme of things, but still. It would be nice to occasionally discern who saw and liked the original content versus those who reflexively ‘hearted’ it because it had someone...
Apr 5th
32 notes
3 tags
“Melancholy yet bromidic quote about the ultimate futility of life from some...”
– Some author that you think looks good on your shelf in a battered paperback Penguin Classics edition you bought in the same thrift shop as the smelly hat you’re currently wearing
Apr 4th
78 notes
Apr 3rd
210 notes
1 tag
Apr 3rd
38 notes
1 tag
I am about to go on an angry drunken unfollowing...
No hard feelings. [ hic ]
Apr 3rd
31 notes