October 2010
47 posts
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September 2010
37 posts
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Paying it sideways
What kind of “karmic ratio” applies to the pulling of strings? In other words, how many strings do I have to pull for my friends before someone will pull one for me when I need it? Because right now it seems absurdly high and I’m tired of giving away work for free.
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Conversion
Someone asked me to send them “good vibes” but I sent them mojo instead and I don’t have a conversion chart handy so now I don’t know if I sent too much or not enough and sometimes I hate the internet.
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It's alive. ALIVE!
It’s actually a fairly big moment for a writer when you decide on a working title for a new project. Regardless of how far into the work you are, it doesn’t have an identity until it’s named. A title is the electric life jolted into the patched-together literary Frankenstein monster on the table.
That being said, and with apologies for the tortured metaphor, this morning I gave my new novel the...
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Rarity
Once in a while — like just now, for example — I manage to make one of my friends smile. It doesn’t happen very often, but it’s nice when it does.
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Sunday afternoon in America
is apparently sponsored by Viagra, Bud Light, Gillette, Dodge, and unfulfilled sports hero dreams.
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A heresy of sorts
I am 201 pages into Jonathan Franzen’s Freedom, and my review thus far:
Meh.
The perfect remedy to a shit-filled "grownup" day
…is making a blanket fort in your living room and stocking it with comics and drinks and snacks and your dog.
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My reaction, by percentage, to my Inbox contents...
89% - Oh my god you’re a fucking moron.
7% - How are you considered even marginally employable?
3% - If you’re going to send me a rejection letter, at least run a spellcheck first.
1% - YES MOM I WILL CALL YOU SOON. JEEZ.
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Words
“In this box are all the words I know,” he said. “Most of them you will never need, some you will use constantly, but with them you may ask all the questions which have never been answered and answer all the questions which have never been asked. All the great books of the past and all the ones yet to come are made with these words. With them there is no obstacle you cannot...
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Asshat of the Week: Patrick Danger
patrickdanger:
Remember when everyone thought Tony_D was a total shitbag? I do. Man, like it was my birthday. Living in that moment I felt like we had achieved a total and perfect understanding, synchronicity, I loved you.
Everyone should have a moment where snap-judgements are wholly vindicated. Because believe me, when you make unfounded decisions about people as often as I do you just...
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That Jersey Smell
I’ve been in New Jersey for six days now, and as of yet have been unable to identify its unique aroma.
I think I’ve just concluded that it is a combination of provolone, Drakkar, and hopelessness.
Now hiring
I am currently accepting applications for the role of Sidekick.
Qualifications include broad knowledge of such topics as comic book history and canon, astronomy, particle physics, European history, medieval English literature, and doomsday device disarmament.
Applicants must also possess eagerness, spunk, and the willingness to save my ass in precarious situations while allowing me the...
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Size doesn't matter
I was the smallest guy on my college lacrosse team. Shocker, right?
Anyway, in my freshman season, the coach said to me, “You’re going to get flattened by the big guys ten times every game. But so what. You’re also going to beat them to the ball twenty times every game because you’re quicker. Agility trumps size.”
I normally hate sports metaphors, but I still think...
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Quiz time
When a friend says to you, “Hey, come spend Labor Day week at my beach house!”, do you respond with:
a) Thank you for the invitation, but I have too much work to do. Perhaps another time.
- or -
b) That would be lovely, thank you.
The correct answer is, of course:
c) OH HELL YES AND BY THE WAY HOW MANY GALLONS OF BOOZE DO YOU THINK WILL FIT IN MY CAR AND DOES YOUR STATE CARRY ANY...
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tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?
OMG YOU GUYS, PING IS DOWN
Now how will I know which Ke$ha single to download next?
HOW. WILL. I. KNOW?
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